By Jerry Grillo
If you’ve spent any time in a pediatrician’s waiting room, you’re probably familiar with the cartoon characters Goofus and Gallant, from Highlights for Children magazine.
They were created back in 1940 to teach kids good manners through contrasting, side-by-side examples: “Goofus cuts in line; Gallant lets others go first.” Or, “Goofus has messy hair; Gallant shows his cowlick who’s boss.” That kind of thing.
As a kid who usually sat in the back of the classroom, Goofus always felt more attainable while Gallant seemed like a teacher’s pet. But experience has taught me that Gallant was probably under lots of pressure at home to tuck in his shirt and comb his hair, and Goofus probably grew up poor and neglected, which influenced his crass behavior and low self esteem.
Anyway, they’ve been teaching kids the difference between right and wrong for 85 years. But the rules of decorum are consistently reshaped by changes in our culture and values. For instance, gender-based etiquette — a man standing to greet a woman — gives way to even-footed introductions. And old habits — wiping your hands on a tablecloth, frowning for photographs — disappear as societal expectations are refined.
With that in mind, here are some suggested new scenarios for Goofus and Gallant:
Goofus wants attention. Gallant wants a future.
Goofus thinks rules and compromise are for suckers. Gallant understands the rules and knows that compromise is how people learn to share.
Goofus thinks the community’s gone to hell since that gas station started selling almond milk. Gallant is glad they finally have fresh coffee.
Goofus calls every disagreement a war — war on Christmas, war on family values, war on garden gnomes. Gallant just wants to make it through Wednesday without getting into a war of memes with his uncle on Facebook.
Goofus believes we are being overrun by socialists, drag queens, and quite possibly, books. Gallant believes we are mostly overrun by big data centers, Dollar Generals, and roadkill.
Goofus believes “real Americans” look, talk, and think exactly like him. Gallant believes “real Americans” can explain the infield fly rule in 50 words or less.
Goofus says education is overrated. Gallant has a college degree, knows how to use a semicolon, and gets emotional defending the Oxford comma.
Goofus shows up to public meetings wearing political slogans on a loud t-shirt. Gallant quietly helps stack chairs after the meeting.
Goofus fears diversity, equity, and inclusion. Gallant fears climate change, unchecked power, and the designated hitter rule.
Goofus blames. Gallant builds.
Goofus says he wants his country back. Gallant wonders if Goofus misplaced it under the couch cushions again.
Here in our little corner of Northeast Georgia, we’ve got room for both Goofus and Gallant. We need one to keep us on our toes, and the other to provide self-assured reason; we need some goofiness, and we especially need some gallantry.
So, when the calamity starts, look to Gallant. He’ll be the one with the steady hand aiming the flashlight and asking calmly if Goofus has a permit for that flamethrower.
Jerry Grillo is the editor/publisher of the White County News.